Sex

Sensitive Nipples Plague Man

Danielle Evenson — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:30:46 +0000

Sensitive nipples are a real problem in the world. Half of our office staff at Comedy.com complains about them on a daily basis. Check out this Funny or Die video starring Nick Kroll as a man’s first, second and third nipple. One is mean, is sensitive and one is an all around nice nipple.

Take you nipples out for a beer and read this stories, 10 Outrageously Sexual Egyptian Legends and the 10 Funniest Photos Of Kids Staring At Boobs.

Posted by Danielle Evenson, who is loading up on tissues.

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Woman Flashes Breasts And Crashes Car

Danielle Evenson — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 11:50:12 +0000

This Break video has been around for a couple weeks, but just blew up on Digg. A group of rowdy boys are in one car. A group of busty girls are in the other car. The two groups spend so much time flirting, the women don’t notice that they’re about to rear end a massive vehicle. This just shows you. Keep your hands, feet and boobs inside the vehicle at all times.

For other hot ladies that have problems, check out 15 Women Who Would Look Better With A Mustache and 15 Photos Of Women Being Douche Baguettes.

Posted by Danielle Evenson, who loves a good baguette with cheese.

Couple Bring Friends Into The Bedroom

Danielle Evenson — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:00:43 +0000

The funny people at the SMBC Theater bring you this video “Sorry Honey.” An adventurous couple lets their friends in the bedroom with awkward and funny results. Is “sex voice” a real game? Will someone enlighten me in the comments below? Seriously, it freaks me out.

On an unrelated note, who wants to come over Saturday night?

For more sexiness, check out 10 Outrageously Sexual Egyptian Legends and the 10 Easiest Places To Get Laid Of All Time.

Posted by Danielle Evenson, whose sex voice is Pee Wee Herman.

20 Things From Science Fiction That Look Like Penises

evan.hoovler — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:53:29 +0000

Sure, science fiction may throw in a lot of jiggling boobs (like these 20 Things In Nature That Look Exactly Like Boobs), but it’s all a ruse to hide the fact that every single science fiction show is obsessed with dongs (or any of the other 15 Things You Call Your Man Sack). To prove this, I’ve taken images from 20 Science Fiction Staples That Look Just Like Penises. I would like to thank Google safe search. Without it, my eyes might have melted after typing in “penis bomb.”

20. Princess Leia
Yep, every time you fantasized about Leia, you were probably really hankering for a long white shaft flanked by two hairy b*lls. I’ll give you a minute to process.

19. The Sonic Fence On “Lost”
So, it’s a circle of phalli that repels a gaping black smoke monster? That’s a sexual metaphor for something, I’m not sure what, though.

18. Darth Vader’s Helmet
Come on, it’s no coincidence that its insides are creamy white.

17. A.L.F.’s Nose
Pretty much looks like a huge syphilitic johnson.

16. The Ship From “Firefly”
This is the ship you need if you want to plunge into a black hole.

15. Babylon 5 From “Babylon 5″
The designer of this must wish his own balls had rocket engines.

14. Buck Rogers Robot Boy
Don’t pat it on the head. This will fire all of its circuits simultaneously.

13. Kirin Tor Tabard From “World Of Warcraft”
If you have to wear a skirt, or whatever, make sure it has a picture of a huge dong on it.

12. Philadelphia Air Spaceship Cruiser from “Command & Conquer 4″
Because who ever conquered anything in a spaceship shaped like a vagina?

11. Mara From “Persona”
Here’s a hint if you fight this boss: it’s secret weak spot is EVERYWHERE.

10. Space Rocket
NASA has been making great strides in phallus-shaped space travel.

9. The Eagle Nebula
I’m referring to the one on the right that looks like a dong, not the one on the left that looks like a vibe.

8. The Head Of The Alien From The Movie “Alien”
Sadly, the alien’s penis probably looks like a human’s head.

7. The “Dr. Who” Penis Bomb
This penis would kill almost as many people as Wilt Chamberlain’s STD-infected penis.

6. This Thing From “Lexx”
Way to spend millions in special effects to make something I could take a picture of without moving.

5. The Sand Worm From “Dune”
Nothing spices up a boring desert saga like a giant killer penis.

4. “Tetris” Penis
Although it took barely any time to design this penis, the creator is yet to figure out how to make a vagina.

3. Jean Nouvel’s Proposal For A High-Rise Office Building In Qatar
Mother Nature hates waking up in the morning sporting an embarrassing high-rise. While it might not be science fiction yet, I can almost guarantee that it will be.

2. Muno from “Yo Gabba Gabba!”
He’s covered in warts- for her pleasure.

1. Alien Rocks From “Star Trek”
Captain Kirk discovers a planet with dong-shaped rocks, which is why you should always look before sitting down on an alien planet.

For more hidden sexual innuendo, try 20 Things in Nature which Look Exactly like Boobs. Or, check out these 10 Outrageously Sexual Egyptian Legends.

Evan Hoovler co-wrote the National Lampoon book, “Pimp it Yourself.” He executive produces the sketch comedy troupe, Drunk Nerds.

Want To Be Married To A Vampire? It Sucks!

Danielle Evenson — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:58:10 +0000

Not only is this featured on Atom, but this was highlighted on the ever exclusive Deadline Hollywood Daily. Have you ever wanted to fall in love with a vampire like “Twilight’s” Edward and Bella? Apparently, it’s not as great as Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart make it look… although both male leads have awful (and probably smelly) hair.

For more awesome sucking, check out 10 Vampires That Suck Less Than “True Blood” and 20 Worst Vampire Costumes.

Posted by Danielle Evenson, who sometimes also sucks.

Have A Halloween Emergency? Halloween Sluts To The Rescue!

Danielle Evenson — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:51:28 +0000

The great guys at Landline TV made this hot and funny video hosted over at Babelgum. Whether you need a hot cop, a slutty nurse or a super sexy fire woman, Halloween is the perfect time to have an emergency… even if it’s in your pants.

For more Halloween fun, check out PedoBear’s Halloween Adventure and 20 Knockoff Halloween Costumes.

Posted by Danielle Evenson, who is going a a slutty comedy blogger for Halloween.

PSA Tries To Protect Women Against Dutch Ovens

Danielle Evenson — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:00:55 +0000

Stop farting! Seriously, it’s gross. Knock it off. Girls hate it. The only thing girls hate more is when you fart and then pull the covers over their head. It’s not funny. It’s not sexy. It’s GROSS. Knock it off, or I’m calling this lady to come over to your house and make you feel bad about yourself. This Dutch Oven PSA created by Asylum is a hit on Buzzfeed and speaks to a cause most women feel passionately about. Watch it. Learn something. Then go sleep on the couch. You disgust me.

For more flatulent fun, check out the Bottom 8 Fart Smells and the 6 Funniest Fart Videos On The Internet.

Posted by Danielle Evenson, who dealt it.

15 Worst Dating Videos

Danielle Evenson — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 18:27:40 +0000

It’s tough to date, and it’s even tougher if you’re a dork. (Have you been in one of these 16 Ridiculous Nerd Fights? Then you’re a dork.) And thanks to the advent of video technology, your dorkiness can live on forever on YouTube. Why just embarrass yourself in front of individual women when you can do it in front of the entire world? You might need one of these 10 Strangest Dating Advice Books That Actually Exist. Let these horrible dating videos be a lesson to you. Learn to talk to girls in a bar. Learn to not be a loser. Learn to eat without a bib. And, now the 15 Most Ridiculous Dating Videos of all time.

15. Man can get drunk on demand.
It’s a good idea to wait until after shooting your video to start drinking. That bottle ain’t full of Pepsi, ladies.

14. Wild unemployed woman enjoys food.
Nothing turns a man on more than having to lend money to his girlfriend on the second date just so she can pay her phone bill. And, can somebody tell me where they show the free movies?

13. Ladies, do you like teeth?
It’s nice to know your health is important. Your sentence structure leaves something to be desired.

12. Ladies meet your prince…of dorkiness.
If you’re going to go for the rock star look, it’s probably a good idea to be in some kind of band, not an Internet star. That’s a whole different bar. Here’s a word you should get used to: FAIL.

11. Beardo is single.
It’s just my guess, but I think it was five o’clock when they shot this.

10. Island CD salesman is alone.
That beer story is so hilarious and—- Wait, no, what’s the word? Boring. Oh, yeah, that story is boring as sh*t. I think the good news is, you might end up alone on an island one day.

9. Young man is hurting.
Can you heal this poor boy’s heart? Oh, wait, that’s not what he meant and yes, there is another way to put this. Don’t worry, he usually doesn’t throw stuff at you until the third date. And no, he’s not desperate at all.

8. This totally honest man is not at all sleazy.
C’mon, at least he shaved off his pencil thin mustache.

7. King of the nerds needs a queen.
Ladies, meet the most handsome and desirable man around…according to his mom.

6. Cue the banjo music.
So, which trailer park did you live in? Hey, look, NASCAR fans have to date somebody.

5. Mountain man loves the ladies.
And you thought the previous guy was a redneck. This guy’s hillbilly credentials are waaaaay better. Who would leave this guy?

4. Future extreme, Goth cliff diver considers himself smart and kinky.
My guilty pleasure is watching this video. Just don’t take a drink before you hit play. Can you imagine poetry coming out this guy?

3. Make your life better with this intense salesman.
Blink, damn you, blink!

2. Denim boy needs love.
I don’t know if this one is real or not, but either way, it scares me.

1. Barbarian woman need man. You date her much.
I think the Hulk finally has found a girlfriend. “Not suck” is the quote that sticks out for me.

Did this video get you all warmed up? Check out the 9 Most Awkward Movies To Watch On A Date and 10 Signs Your Prom Date Isn’t Going to Have Sex With You.

Posted by Tony DiGerolamo, who is glad he never made a video for his dating profile.

Video Helps Idiots Date And Stalk Women

Danielle Evenson — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:30:42 +0000

Everything is Terrible strikes again with this hilarious, dated guide to dating. Its tips include, sound mysterious, find the woman fascinating and go up to women on the beach and tell them they’re pretty. These are great tips, especially if you aspire to be a stalker.

For more dating wisdom, check out the 10 Strangest Dating Advice Books That Actually Exist and the 9 Most Awkward Movies To Watch On A Date.

Posted by Danielle Evenson, whose dress would look better on the floor.

Did You Call Room Service? Chippendales Deliver!

Danielle Evenson — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:00:56 +0000

Everything is Terrible unearthed this clip awhile ago, but it’s great and our editorial team loves it. Do you need a stripper to your room asap? Just give Chippendales a call. They will also bring chapagne and a host of sexually transmitted diseases. What happens in Vegas sometimes comes home and ruins your marriage.

For more dirty things check out these 10 Ancient Egyptian Sexual Legends and the David Letterman sex scandal in under two minutes.

Posted by Danielle Evenson, has an itch.