Hey everybody, we just wanted to take a quick second to recommend a couple live shows to you that are coming up in the next couple weeks.

First, if you live in the Washington, DC area (or are really motivated to travel there), you should head down to the Arlington Cinema ‘n Drafthouse on April 20th and celebrate 4/20 (you stoners know what we’re saying) with our pals Rob Cantrell and Tony Camin.

For those of you that live in the Los Angeles area, you should check out Whip It Out Comedy columnists Kyle Kinane, Mike Bridenstine, Mike Burns, and Renee Gauthier among others at their Gimme A Minute show this Saturday night at the Westside Eclectic Theater in Santa Monica.

Here’s a link to all the exciting details.

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Hate: England (1485-1603) AND Hollywood (2007-Present)

I recently did a week-long tour of Jolly Olde England. During the trip, I visited the site of the Battle of Bosworth Field, where in 1485 Henry Tudor (Henry VII) defeated Richard III to end the War of the Roses and begin the Tudor Dynasty. I knew nothing about it at the time. Because who knows anything about English history?
Then, on the plane ride home, I watched Elizabeth: The Golden Age as the in-flight movie. When I got home, The Other Boleyn Girl was out in the theater and ads for Showtime’s big series, The Tudors, warranted a DVD rental of the first season.

The Tudors, who reigned England from 1485-1603, are currently big business in Hollywood. People can’t seem to get enough of Elizabeth I, Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn and all of Henry’s five other wives. It’s high drama with battles, manipulation and (on Showtime) lots and lots of tits and fucking.

Why do I hate it?

Because now I’m on Wikipedia for hours at a time trying to figure out what the hell is going on. It’s like a super gay soap opera that happened 500 years ago, and reading up on it is like getting spoilers for that gay soap opera.

I was watching The Tudors yesterday with the gal, and found myself blurting out interesting factoids about what would happen to Cardinal Wolsey, Sir Thomas More and Thomas Cromwell during the English Reformation.

I’m not a history buff. I’m a nerd who skipped ahead and read spoilers on Wikipedia, my new default spoiler fanboy site that tells me all the dirt on what’ll happen to all these fancily-dressed characters. You got me, Hollywood. And I hate you for it.

Love: JefferyCMusic

I appreciate awfulness. That’s why I invented the popular bar game “I Got a Guy” and why I love the song “Lips of an Angel” by NickelCreed.

The gist of “I Got a Guy” is that you have to be in a bar with your friends and find the worst person in the bar. It’s a game of one-upmanship and a celebration of human awfulness. When you see a real scumbag you say, “I got a guy,” and show your find to the other players. Their goal is to find a worse person. It’s excellent at dive bars and karaoke establishments. Does it sound like fun? Because it is.

Well, this ‘Love’ is dedicated to my fellow Whip columnists, Josh Spector and Mike Burns.

Spector, you see, once met up with me at a horrible dive/karaoke bar while I was still living in Chicago and found the greatest “I Got a Guy” winner of all time. When Josh pointed him out to me, I wasn’t sure he topped my front-runner. The guy had a rattail, a hooded sweatshirt and Pittsburgh Steelers Zubaz on. Terrible, yes. But I still wasn’t sure he would top the guy I had at the time.

Right as I was about explain why his guy didn’t win, Spector’s dude grabbed the microphone and launched into the most horrible rendition of Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” to ever be sung at a karaoke establishment. We had a winner.

Fast forward to yesterday. You should know that my love for “Lips of an Angel” by NickelCreed is also held by my pal and fellow Whip columnist, Mike Burns. It’s been an inside joke of ours for a while now.

Yesterday, Burns posted a video comment on my MySpace page with a 35-year-old man who goes by the YouTube handle, JefferyCMusic, singing “Lips of an Angel” to a digital camera. Burns comment to go along with the clip just said, “This guy wins.” That he does.

Upon further investigation of JefferyCMusic’s YouTube page, the man has just under 200 different songs he’s recorded (including a killer “Sister Christian” by Night Ranger), which include dedications-by-request. Holy fucking shit is this guy awesome. I immediately sent him a few requests of my own.

So thank you to Mike Burns. And Spector, I GOT A GUY!

Mike Bridenstine is a stand-up comedian based out of Los Angeles. He is a member of Blerds.com and quite possibly the funniest person of all time. He recently wrote about his hatred of Hillary Clinton and his love for Weird Al, as well as his hatred of Andy Rooney and love of babes. You can contact him at Myspace.com/MikeBridenstine and read his column here every other Wednesday.

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