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"Kick You In The Face (With Love)" Is The Funniest Song We’ve Heard In A While

Josh Spector — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:39:00 +0000

Comedians J Chris Newberg and Chris Porter have teamed up to form what we think might be the next musical comedy supergroup – aptly titled Burnt 2 A Chris. Their debut video may not have the best production quality in the world (not even close), but what it does have is a live performance of one of the funniest “love” songs we’ve heard in a long time.

The video, posted below, features Newberg and Porter harmonizing on the song “Kick You In The Face (With Love)” which will bring a tear to your eye as the guys sing lyrics like “I only hurt you cause I love you…and cause you talk back.” It’s our favorite Newberg song since Happy MILF Day and The Perfect Girl.

Like this video? Then you’re going to love this “Pregnant Women Are Smug” music video.

How To Save The Environment By Having Sex

Josh Spector — Wed, 20 May 2009 16:20:00 +0000

Are you passionate about the environment? Are you passionate about getting laid? Do you wish that you could save the environment and get your rocks off at the same time? Well, we’ve got a perfect video for you then.

Comedians J Chris Newberg and Jon Huck have teamed up to make a video featuring a list of helpful (and slightly disturbing) tips for ways that you can make your sex life more “green.” If you follow them, you will definitely help the environment although we’re not exactly sure that they will really help your sex life. Check out the video below and tell us what you think.

The Happy MILF Day Song Will Get You Ready For Mother’s Day

Josh Spector — Thu, 07 May 2009 18:33:00 +0000

Mother’s Day is coming up in just a few days and what better way to get in the mood to celebrate (and disappoint our own mothers) than to share with you our favorite Mother’s Day video of all time – the Happy MILF Day song.

Performed by our old pal J Chris Newberg and produced by Comedy.com, Happy MILF Day is a cheery little ditty that pays tribute to all those hot moms that so often get overlooked by everybody outside of people that try to find videos of them doing porn on the Internet. Enjoy the video below, but consider yourself warned: this may be the catchiest song ever written in the history of mankind.

This Is The Perfect Video For 4:20 On Cinco De Mayo

Josh Spector — Tue, 05 May 2009 23:20:00 +0000

Once upon a time, before Whip It Out Comedy became the beacon of Internet greatness that it is today, we found all kinds of interesting ways to amuse ourselves. For example, on Cinco de Mayo two years ago we took our friend J Chris Newberg outside and threw Mexican food at him for a music video to his random song about “Cinco de Mayo and Sex.”

Below is the result of that wasted afternoon. We also recommend you stick it out until the end of the video, because the Bonus Footage may be the funniest part.

The Catchiest Song You’ll Ever Hear About Being A Cutter

Josh Spector — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 01:50:00 +0000

We’ll say this about J Chris Newberg – his mind works a lot differently than anybody else we know. For example, his latest video (which you can view below) features him laying in bed with two attractive ladies. But the situation doesn’t turn out how you’d expect…unless you expect them to start singing an insanely catchy jingle about how fun it is to be a “cutter.”

Happy MILF Day

Josh Spector — Thu, 08 May 2008 06:49:00 +0000

Mother’s Day isn’t for a few more days, but Comedy.com and J Chris Newberg have gotten a jump start on the festivities with this new insanely catchy song and video that pays tribute to all the MILFs out there celebrating Mother’s Day.

Some Other Sucker’s Parade: We All Want Someone To Worship

Josh Spector — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:06:00 +0000

“Just write one true thing each day and the rest will follow,” said the brilliant and uber-tortured Ernest Hemingway at some point before he took a self inflicted gunshot to the head.

I suppose all he wanted to do was be sacred, I mean right before he gave up. I think we all want to be special or at least know someone that is. I have my inspirations and they range from song lyrics, to poetry, to the brief sighting or encounter of a beautiful girl.

I sit in my life and autobiography and think this is the chapter entitled “Almost, but not for sure.” I feel dangerously like Christopher Columbus sitting high atop the crow’s nest of one of his three vessels. Resources dwindling, crew in turmoil, reason and science out the window and all that moves me forward is the brain promise that I gave myself that my new world is just ahead.

It makes total sense to continue on, although logic reminds me each time I do a set in front of three people (all of which are comics) on a Sunday night, that I might be a fool. Doesn’t matter. This is my journey, my ocean and my Santa Maria.

All of my friends are married or divorced with solid jobs, health insurance, children and security. I live above a garage and sleep on a Futon. I don’t have a girlfriend and I most certainly don’t have any children. I mean, maybe I do, but if I do they probably can’t play basketball or cook spinach.

I am lonely. I am spinning. I am dizzy. I am not and I will never complain about failure or success because I am well aware of their shaping abilities and their added strength to one’s process, so I happily I accept what I have chosen and, believe it or not, I convince myself that all I really need is the lyrical guidance from anyone with a tongue and teeth to keep me going.

I assure myself that I am with purpose and that I can inspire as well. In fact, maybe that’s why the brilliant fizzle or voluntarily check out. I have no real point to this article, other than inspiration on some level is required.

To feel special could be the most blessed life perfume one could wear. And as damaged as I am, I am inspired and surprisingly enough, I have even inspired a person or two myself. I never take too seriously the voice of critics, because the only thing that matters is how you feel about what you’re doing.

I do short Internet videos. The good kids of Whipitoutcomedy.com and I have had terrific success. Our videos have had just south of 4 million views. I have read all of the comments and some are very kind and fun. Others are mean spirited and typical hater bullshit.

Recently, I have come under fire from a girl who claims that I slept with her friend and hurt her real bad 10 years ago. Ten years ago? She won’t tell me her name and makes each crazy post weirder and stranger than the next. She will set up a new name on Youtube.com for the sole purpose of commenting on all of my videos and then she deletes her account.

Now, I believe that all of us are entitled to our opinion, but it takes a lot of work to be crazy. For example, I am not a fan of Dane Cook. In fact, I don’t find him funny at all. To be fair, Mr. Cook sells out stadiums, has platinum CD’s and a promising upstart movie career. So, I don’t really think he cares what I think. However, I would never in my wildest dreams go to his Myspace page, log on, add him as a friend, and then repeatedly notify him that he sucks and then delete my account so as to remain anonymous. Even if he did nail my friend ten years ago.

My crazy word assassin likes to notify me that I am a Jack Black wannabe and that I am fat and pathetic and insecure. That’s not the funny part to me. The funny part to me is that I have no idea who this person is and I sleep just fine not caring. This person thinks about me with a passionate hatred that continues to resurface in her brain over and over again. She will do it often and I will take roughly 5 to 7 seconds and try to think about who she might be…and then the phone will ring or I might want to go practice my Jack Black impression and then it will go away until she decides to attack again.

Listen, we all want someone to worship or obsess over, it’s American. Just try to do it in a positive way. Or don’t, whatever. Below is a list of today’s inspirations for me:

“A Murder of One” by the Counting Crows
“One Sweet Love” by Sara Bareilles
A cloudless sky
Brooke Long
The smell of my car
My Grandmother’s photograph
My sleeping Spaniel
Laughter
Hope
Thought
Light
The Video of Queen at Live Aid
Britney Spears works out at my gym
There will be a Rock of Love 3

Finally, whether I succeed or fail at comedy or life is unimportant because I have already made it in so many ways. I like being in play, it’s way better than played out or incompletion. I just wanted to start writing until I came up with something to write about and congratulations crazy Youtube hater, I managed to actually find some light in your lyrical darkness. In fact so much so, that I am in love with this moment:

“Oh baby I surrender to the strawberry ice cream never ever ender of this love.” Adam Duritz (Drug addict, poet, musician)

J Chris Newberg is a comic, actor, producer, song writer, and author living in Los Angeles and occasionally Detroit with his loyal and aging Cocker Spaniel, Flower. He has recently written about his run-in with Richie Sambora and vampire romance. You can find him at jchrisnewberg.com, myspace.com/jchrisnewberg, or just google him because you know you want to. His column runs every other Tuesday.