Sure, science fiction may throw in a lot of jiggling boobs (like these 20 Things In Nature That Look Exactly Like Boobs), but it’s all a ruse to hide the fact that every single science fiction show is obsessed with dongs (or any of the other 15 Things You Call Your Man Sack). To prove this, I’ve taken images from 20 Science Fiction Staples That Look Just Like Penises. I would like to thank Google safe search. Without it, my eyes might have melted after typing in “penis bomb.”
20. Princess Leia
Yep, every time you fantasized about Leia, you were probably really hankering for a long white shaft flanked by two hairy b*lls. I’ll give you a minute to process.
19. The Sonic Fence On “Lost”
So, it’s a circle of phalli that repels a gaping black smoke monster? That’s a sexual metaphor for something, I’m not sure what, though.
18. Darth Vader’s Helmet
Come on, it’s no coincidence that its insides are creamy white.
17. A.L.F.’s Nose
Pretty much looks like a huge syphilitic johnson.
16. The Ship From “Firefly”
This is the ship you need if you want to plunge into a black hole.
15. Babylon 5 From “Babylon 5″
The designer of this must wish his own balls had rocket engines.
14. Buck Rogers Robot Boy
Don’t pat it on the head. This will fire all of its circuits simultaneously.
13. Kirin Tor Tabard From “World Of Warcraft”
If you have to wear a skirt, or whatever, make sure it has a picture of a huge dong on it.
12. Philadelphia Air Spaceship Cruiser from “Command & Conquer 4″
Because who ever conquered anything in a spaceship shaped like a vagina?
11. Mara From “Persona”
Here’s a hint if you fight this boss: it’s secret weak spot is EVERYWHERE.
10. Space Rocket
NASA has been making great strides in phallus-shaped space travel.
9. The Eagle Nebula
I’m referring to the one on the right that looks like a dong, not the one on the left that looks like a vibe.
8. The Head Of The Alien From The Movie “Alien”
Sadly, the alien’s penis probably looks like a human’s head.
7. The “Dr. Who” Penis Bomb
This penis would kill almost as many people as Wilt Chamberlain’s STD-infected penis.
6. This Thing From “Lexx”
Way to spend millions in special effects to make something I could take a picture of without moving.
5. The Sand Worm From “Dune”
Nothing spices up a boring desert saga like a giant killer penis.
4. “Tetris” Penis
Although it took barely any time to design this penis, the creator is yet to figure out how to make a vagina.
3. Jean Nouvel’s Proposal For A High-Rise Office Building In Qatar
Mother Nature hates waking up in the morning sporting an embarrassing high-rise. While it might not be science fiction yet, I can almost guarantee that it will be.
2. Muno from “Yo Gabba Gabba!”
He’s covered in warts- for her pleasure.
1. Alien Rocks From “Star Trek”
Captain Kirk discovers a planet with dong-shaped rocks, which is why you should always look before sitting down on an alien planet.
For more hidden sexual innuendo, try 20 Things in Nature which Look Exactly like Boobs. Or, check out these 10 Outrageously Sexual Egyptian Legends.
Evan Hoovler co-wrote the National Lampoon book, “Pimp it Yourself.” He executive produces the sketch comedy troupe, Drunk Nerds.
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