Recently, a video of Yankees outfielder Melky Cabrera surfaced, featuring a shirtless Melky (now known as “Milky”) in a hotel room with porn star/former California gubernatorial candidate Marey Carey. It’s kind of bizarre, and completely unsexy. Mostly, Melky is checking his cell phone and eating peanuts, while Marey Carey rambles on and on. Here it is.
It’s only a matter of time until the full, unedited video surfaces, so we’re getting a jump on the naming rights for this one. Here are our 10 Potential Porn Titles for the Melky Cabrera Sex Tape.
10. “Got Melky?
This one’s built in. There are already T-shirts! If it ever went to DVD the cover photo would be of Marey Carey’s Melky mustache.
9. “The Ride Of The Yankees”
Today… we consider ourselves… the luckiest men… on the cover of this porno.
8. “Deep Inside the Melky Way”
For all we know, Marey could be the top in this arrangement. Eww.
7. “Melk Jugs”
Hey, the Melk Man always delivers. (Get used to it, there are more Melk jokes where that came from.)
6. “The New York Skankees”
Everyone hates the Yankees. Come on, with that kind of payroll, they can do better than Marey Carey!
5. “Faces Loaded”
It’s pretty much exactly what you’d expect – extreme splooge.
4. “Take Me Out To The Ball Game”
See? Baseball is dirty on its own without even trying.
3. “The Recall Erection”
This is in honor of Marey’s political past, and it’s for those who really get a boner for politics.
2. “Yankee My Wanky”
The donga need food!
1. “The Melk Man Always Bangs Twice”
This one’s a bit of a thriller.
Surprisingly, this isn’t the weirdest sex tape we’ve seen. That would be the Mini-Me Sex Tape. If only the Rachel Ray Sex Tape were real, it would take the prize.
Steve Gifford wrote this article, and may never drink milk again.
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