Dudes are total slobs. It’s a given. In fact, it can be quite a shock for a woman to go home with some guy and find a spotless bachelor pad. “What’s wrong with this picture? Is there a wife who is out of town? Is this his mom’s place?” We repeat, guys are total slobs. So, the ladies expect to see stuff lying around. The issue, though, is what is lying around. You’ve got to be really careful about your mess, if you don’t want whatever lady friend you’ve managed to sucker into coming back to your love pit to slip out the bathroom window.
Here are 10 Things You Don’t Leave Lying Around The House If You Hope To Get Laid.
10. Hair Dye/Hair Growth Formula
Women care a lot less about grey hairs than men. If you leave this lying around, though, she’s only going to be wondering one thing. Where’s the Viagra?
9. Bukkake Porn
You might be able to pull it off leaving porn lying around, depending on how classy it is. If it’s girl on girl, you’ll just remind her how much she doesn’t need you. If it’s bukkake, it will remind her of all the other dicks out there, and how she really doesn’t need you.
8. Gold Bond Medicated Powder
Do you have jock itch? Broadcasting it to the world means you will never, ever get laid.
7. Dido CDs
Come on, really? Are you going to play Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” while you make out, too? You only need one CD if you’re trying to get the women in bed, and it’s this one.
6. ExtenZe
We told you not to leave the Rogaine lying around. Now, she’s figured out that you’re lacking in the member department. Just hand out business cards that say “Size Doesn’t Matter.” Wait. Stop. You’re wrong. It matters.
5. Other Girls’ Panties
Ladies may like a virile man, until they have to be reminded of it, right in their faces. If the panties are bigger than them, they’ll lose respect for you. If they’re smaller, they’ll lose respect for themselves. It’s a no-win situation!
4. “Star Wars” Memorabilia
How about an instant reminder of just how drunk they are? Just one light saber, or scale model Millennium Falcon is all it will take for them to call a cab.
3. “The Pick-Up Artist” DVD Box Set
This is also known as “Zen and the Art of Never Getting Into A Girl’s Panties.”
2. A Book Of Pick Up Lines
“Do you wash your pants with Windex? ‘Cause I can see myself in them!” You’re better off quoting lines from the bukkake movie you forgot to put away.
1. Anti-Fungal Cream
You may see it as a sign of your athletic prowess. The ladies see this as harboring a mushroom patch on your body. Nothing can kill the mood quite like thinking about what a fun-gi you are. (We apologize for the pun.)
Getting laid is getting harder. Find out why it was easier to get laid in 1999 than it is in 2009. Avoid mistakes early! These tattoos will prevent you from getting laid!
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