Sometimes our jobs can be kind of mundane. It’s in and out every day, every week. Well, when you think about it, porn stars go through that “in and out” grind as well. Surely Jenna Haze gets a case of the “Mondays” every once in a while. Surely your boss wishes that your office would have “really casual” Fridays. Here are some monotonous questions and comments that you probably hear at your office every day, but imagine if you heard them as a porn star!
BONUS LINK: The 25 Funniest Stripper Pictures
10. “Let’s just do it in the boardroom.”
In your office, it means you’re going to have a meeting in there to go over new sales strategies. In porn, someone is getting their strategies fondled, and it will ultimately up their sales.
9. “Who was the last one on the machine?”
At your job it means, “What jerkface didn’t reload the paper after they used the color copier?” On a porn set it means, “Who forgot to clean off the Sybian?”
8. “Do you take cream in your coffee?”
That’s a pretty literal question from a secretary to her boss or a visitor at your office. On a porn set, it means, “Do you (black guy) want to sleep with this white chick over here?”
7. “Are you just doing this just to pad your resume?”
We’ve all taken an entry level job at a major corporation because it looks good on a resume. Porn stars take “entry points” to a new level in their job because it will help them get more work–and blow.
6. “How much did you pay for those?”
In porn, this means “boobs.” In life, this means “playoff tickets.”
5. “Are you here on business or pleasure?”
This is a normal line in the business world, but we’ve seen so many XXX movies that begin with this question. We’re not sure how they end, but…
4. ”Do you have the time?”
It’s a pretty straight forward question in real life. In the world of adult movies it means, “Do you have to get to another shoot, or can you sit on this guy’s face for another five minutes?”
3. “The boss needs you to come in his office.”
When you hear this, you know you’re in trouble. When Bella Donna hears this, someone’s been a bad, bad boss man.
2. ”Have you ever quit a job halfway through?”
Someone could be yelling at you for refusing to finish an important project, OR someone could be yelling at you for refusing to finish an important project.
1. “Did you go through sexual harassment training?”
It’s important for women to feel like they are more valued than a piece of meat in the office. But, porn stars know their value, and they want you to remind them of it by smacking them on the rear and telling them they’d look better bent over the water cooler.
This post was written by Sarah Tiana, who is a stand-up comedienne and human punching bag in Los Angeles.
Comments