We’ve done lists before about everything from sex to dirty fashion, but today we thought we’d share a list inspired by a much happier occasion – divorce. Ok, so maybe divorce isn’t always a happy time for both parties, but it does provide some inspiration for some hilarious quotes and here’s the 15 Funniest Divorce Quotes we’ve come across.
15. “Ah yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams
14. “The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.” – Johnny Carson
13. “The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.” – Woody Allen
12. “I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
11. “To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy mansion for a while.” – James Caan
10. “I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year.” – Bette Davis
9. “She cried – and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.” – Tommy Manville
8. “I can’t get divorced because I’m a Catholic. Catholics don’t get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.” – Lenny Clarke
7. “I look a divorce this way: it’s better to have loved and lost, then to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.” – Steve McGrew
6. “Marriage isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.” – Larry Gelbart
5. “Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.” – Rich Vos
4. “Workaholicism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.” – Dave Mordal
3. “What happened? Satan was busy?” – Sam Kinison on finding out his wife had hired lawyer Marvin Mitchelson to represent her in her divorce case against him.
2. “I can’t take his genius any more.” – Rita Hayworth on why she divorced Orson Welles
1. “You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it.” – Willie Nelson
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