After learning how to become a Playboy Playmate, we couldn’t help but turn our thoughts to all of the women over the years that have achieved the pinnacle of taking-off-your-clothes success by posing for Playboy magazine. But then we realized something interesting – there’s actually a lot of Playboy Playmates that we wouldn’t sleep with. So, here’s our list of the 10 Playboy Playmates We Would Not Sleep With.
10. PAM ANDERSON
Sure, Pam is pretty damn hot and we’ve got a hunch (read: we’ve seen the tape) that she’s pretty damn good in the sack, but we’re not ready to get Hep-C quite yet. Unless we already have it and don’t realize it, in which case we’d play the “We understand what you’re going through” card and totally do her.
9. LATOYA JACKSON
We wouldn’t have slept with LaToya Jackson when she actually posed for the magazine back in the 1980’s and we’re pretty sure that a couple decades have not made her any hotter.
8. HOLLY MADISON
We don’t want anything to do with any girl that is willing to play with Criss Angel’s magic wand.
7. KARISSA AND KRISTINA SHANNON
These two are Hugh Hefner’s new 19-year-old twin girlfriends. To be honest, we’d love to sleep with them but we’re afraid that if we did we wouldn’t get invited back to the Playboy mansion. That’s not a chance we’re prepared to take.
6. CHYNA aka JOANIE LAUER
In addition to our rule of never sleeping with anybody that can bench press more weight than us, we’re still not convinced that she is not a he, and that she didn’t hook up with Verne Troyer on one of those VH-1 “reality” shows. Any of those things are reason enough to not sleep with her.
5. CARNIE WILSON
The former Wilson Phillips token fat chick wasn’t fooling anybody with her stomach stapling Playboy spread. We wouldn’t sleep with her at her thinnest, so we’re certainly not going to sleep with her now that she’s back to her usual grazing weight.
4. ANNA NICOLE SMITH
We might actually consider throwing Anna a bone if she wasn’t so, uh, dead. Even we have some standards.
3. NIKKI ZIERING
Nikki is still pretty smoking hot, but if we took sloppy seconds from that Beverly Hills 90210 douchebag Ian Ziering, we wouldn’t be able to live with ourselves in the morning.
2. ELLEN STRATTON
We give Ellen mad props for being the first ever Playboy Playmate of the Year back in 1960. That said, we wouldn’t bang her with John Stamos’ dick.
1. BURT REYNOLDS
Yes, we know he posed in Playgirl and not Playboy, but technically we think he’s still a Playmate. And there’s also still no way we would sleep with him under any circumstances.
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