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An article in the daily news said today that a recent audit found that LA is “under-policed.” As homicides “spike” this year, the LAPD are feeling the stain saying there are not enough coppers on the beat.
Bad news? I doubt it!
Without those pesky flatfoots around we are all free to do exactly as we please. Next time I’m in LA I plan to wreak havoc! I’m going on a week-long crime spree that would make Robert Downy Jr. blush!
I’m not talking about slinging rock, capping bitches, or dropping the dime on some suckers (How white did I just sound?). I’m talking about middle class crimes. Speeding, writing in permanent marker on a bathroom stall door, parking in a five minute loading zone for at least seven minutes, littering, walking the dog off leash, and if you think next time I make a lane change on the I-10 I’m going to shoulder check, you’re out of your fucking mind!
I’m just angry I don’t live in LA! I only get a week of the sweet life a couple times a year! Here I am in Canada throwing my trash in a wastebasket, driving safely, and paying for parking, living like a little bitch! I don’t even own a gun! Not even one!
Enjoy the understaffed Po-Po’s while you can Los Angeles! By 2010 they’re hoping to have one thousand new buzz killers on the job. You have two more years of the sweet life, after the year 2010 you wont be able to throw a Snickers wrapper on the ground without being shot in the neck!
Cheers.
Paul Myrehaug is the 2007 Great Canadian Laugh Off Champion, beating out thousands of comics from around the world. Whip it Out Comedy discovered Paul at the Vancouver Comedy Festival, and he has recently visited Cuba and hailed celebrity shoplifters. You can catch him at www.seadonkey.org and read his column here every other Friday.
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