Bad Press: Cuba

Hello from Cuba!

As the only Canadian on the Whip It Out Comedy team, I´ve decided to write this column from the beautiful beaches of Cuba. Traveling to Cuba is considered taboo among Americans, however as a Canadian, a vacation in Cuba can be delightful! Warm beaches, endless rum, tasty cigars and no fear of being charged with treason upon return! The only thing that I worry about, is contracting another serious STD. Thank you Celebrex for allowing me to live a normal breakout free life!

Most of today’s news about Cuba centers on Fidel’s retirement. I´m not interested in some old dictator calling it quits. Who cares? The only Fidel news I want to hear about is where he gets those bad-ass caps and possibly the name of the manufacturer that makes his beard trimmer! For a guerrilla warfare guru who spent the majority of his life fightin’ in a jungle, Fidel´s beard ranks high on the charts, second only to the lovable Al Boreland and sexy Barbara Bush.

The bigger news reporting from Cuba that CNN wouldn’t cover, revolves around their Olympic training. When you think of Cuban Olympic sports, one immediately thinks baseball or boxing. Most are unaware that Cuba has a world class swim team! The Cuban government is tired of training swimmers…they spend hundreds and thousands of dollars to train their athletes, only to have them disappear. With their newfound talent, they hop into the ocean and three days of breast strokin’ later, they’re on a beach in Miami shaking hands with Horatio Cane on the newest episode of CSI:Miami!

Why bother trying to deport every Cuban that swims across the channel? It’s an impossible battle with no chance of catching every Cuban that’s backstrokin’ their way to Florida! Embrace the communist Ironman, throw an American flag on their back and watch them swim for gold in Beijing!

Paul Myrehaug is the 2007 Great Canadian Laugh Off Champion, beating out thousands of comics from around the world. Whip it Out Comedy discovered Paul at the Vancouver Comedy Festival, and he has recently hailed celebrity shoplifters and defended Chinese manufacturers. You can catch him at www.seadonkey.org and read his column here every other Friday.