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Hello Whip It Out Fans. Chinese toys containing lead have been getting a lot of bad press lately. Critics say it’s dangerous for American children to play with Chinese-made toys, and the citizens of the States are outraged.
Lead toys aren’t as bad as you think.
Lets not forget that kids in China are manufacturing the toys being used by our children. I’m not pretending to be an expert on Chinese kids, but it seems to me that the lead has no negative effect on those little workhorses. Have you ever seen a Chinese kid do math? Play the piano? Or spell? It’s incredible!
Rather than focus on the health issues caused by lead, behavior problems, physical disabilities, and seizures, try focusing on the benefits of lead – or what I like to call, the “Long Division Effect.”
Let’s stop kidding ourselves. North American kids aren’t exactly world leaders in the book learning column. With professional sports, careers in film and TV, and a welfare program that can’t be beat, kids these days just aren’t working as hard as the previous generations have. Why read when you can Paris Hilton your way into millions!
Take a tip from me. Let your kid eat one lead toy a day and watch his report card go from mildly retarded, to straight A’s like a good Communist! Add a little lead to your daughter’s diet and watch her graduate from Princeton. Or don’t, and see her flash her tuna-pie while getting out of a car in Hollywood. It’s your call Moms and Dads.
Cheers
Paul Myrehaug is the 2007 Great Canadian Laugh Off Champion, beating out thousands of comics from around the world. Whip it Out Comedy discovered Paul at the Vancouver Comedy Festival, and you can catch him at www.seadonkey.org and read his column every other Friday.
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