It’s been a while since we’ve fired 9 and 1/2 of our dumbest questions at an unsuspecting comedian – too long. But we’re thrilled to get back in the swing of things with this interview with Blerds member Kyle Kinane, a tsunami of comedy who was born to answer our dumb questions (that sounds like an insult, but we mean it as a compliment).
1. Your initials are KK. What else do you have in common with the Kottonmouth Kings?
I’m unfamiliar. is that a hockey team?
2. You’ve been known to come up with some creative nicknames for the audience in your standup act such as calling them “baby cheesecakes” – think back to the girl you lost your virginity to and tell us what would be an appropriate nickname for her?
She already had a stage name: “Crystal”
3. You’re a drinker. How do you know when not to say when?
The next drink is always a metaphorical key that can possibly open up the evening to unexpected opportunity. Getting into a full-tilt drunk is a lot like walking out of plato’s cave, but in reverse. You talk to the shadows. I’ve looked up AA meetings in my neighborhood.
4. Bacon bits or ham hocks — what makes better jew repellent?
Which ever one is more expensive–why am i answering this?
5. What’s a Rihanna?
I think it’s the noun form of fergalicious.
6. We know that you are fond of creating good names for strippers, so what’s the ultimate name for a midget male stripper?
Ricktastic. Peter Cetera. Ed Cetera. Plinko.
7. Global warming – myth or fable?
When winter came to settle in the north midwest, the geese in my town would fly east to west, or vice versa depending on their mood. there’s really not many geese left in those parts anymore.
8. Imagine you just found out today that you had a 35-year-old son, how would you spend the afternoon with him? (And yes, we know that you’re only 30 years old, but this is a hypothetical so deal with it.)
Searching for his mother. The one with the time-traveling womb.
9. Will you write us a sonnet?
Is that rhyming or with the 5-7-5? or A-B-A-B? No.
9 1/2. Do you remember when…
The theme song to Eddie and the Cruisers DIDN’T get me turbo charged for doing stuff around the house or cleaning the bathroom or whatever? NO. (except for the couple months it was replaced by Seger’s ‘Ramblin Gamblin Man.’)
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